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whitneylove94: It’s my senior year and I look back and I’m like...

Sat, 01 Sep 2012 01:14:30 -0400

It’s my senior year and I look back and I’m like what the hell was I thinking. Being older puts so much pressure on you to accomplish certain goals and people expect so much from you. As I look back I had a lot of fun as a child and now in November (three months away) ill be an adult. I’ll be making my own decisions and not having them made for me. Being younger you don’t realize how scary that’s going to be, you just think that you can have all the freedom you want but there’s so much more expected of you now. So to those of you reading this who are younger and are counting the days until you hit 18 years old, take advantage of the fun times because there’s not much stress when someone like your parents make your decissions for your best interest. Complaining that’s your parents won’t let you do something you really wanted to do is going to be somthing you look back on and think “how silly of me.”

The next makeup I purchase I don’t care at what cost

Tue, 21 Aug 2012 19:12:17 -0400

The next makeup I purchase I don’t care at what cost

bricksatmywindow: Bert showing off his new get up (Taken with...

Tue, 21 Aug 2012 00:38:33 -0400

bricksatmywindow:

Bert showing off his new get up (Taken with instagram)

I've been found.

Wed, 11 Jul 2012 22:34:01 -0400

Relocating blogs. I like being raw without people I know seeing it. This is my own sacred place to vent and spill the honesty that some people aren’t ready for.

Catch y’all on the flip side.

-gabbifail

Oh my god

Wed, 11 Jul 2012 01:31:23 -0400

Without thinking about it, I almost said those three words. I don’t know what I’m doing, I was saying good night and the words were just there sitting in my mouth and at that moment, I was just thinking “what the hell am I doing?!” I need to pace myself, I need to let this be for right now and most importantly, I just need to go the fuck to sleep!

Goodbye my almost lover, goodbye my hopeless dream

Fri, 06 Jul 2012 03:19:50 -0400

I just woke up after two hours of sleep. I’m convinced my body hates me. This song was playing that got me thinking: why do I always feel so lonely? Part of me feels like the last relationship I had is still left open and stings me. I mean, what was wrong with me? I know it’s probably just the stupid young teenage part in me, but I miss being in love. Even if it didn’t work out, I miss waking up happy and miss sharing a vulnerable part of me with another person that cared for me. With friends it’s different, because I am always messing around and I know what they say is platonic but I just want one person for me. I’m done with the foreplay, the no strings attached, the investing in other peoples emotions and vice versa. I want to be appreciated and taken care of by a guy. Sometimes being so independent gets so damn lonely.

Sup.

Wed, 04 Jul 2012 01:24:25 -0400

I don’t know why but today was exhausting. I miss my dad, I wish he was home to make sense of everything but right now all I have is me. Most days it’s alright to deal with but for some reason I just feel so overwhelmed and helpless. I look at my mom sometimes and my heart just hurts for her. She is such a strong human being, the isolation she has had, the stress of needed to be here for us, make sure we have a house to live in and food on our table at night; just life in general. I wish I could take it all away from her. Take the pain she has so I can deal with it. Sometimes, I have this anger built up towards my sister, I just don’t understand how one person could be so selfish. And thats probably a terrible thing to say, but right now I’m so numb, so hurt and knowing I’ve got literally no one here but me to console me. Nights like tonight make me hate everything. Everything.
And the fact that I spend everyday working to make money, doesn’t help me one god damn bit.

Turning things around.

Mon, 02 Jul 2012 01:29:43 -0400

I no longer have a social life, I go to work and go home.

Expect more posts.

And I was starting to find myself....

Tue, 29 May 2012 15:48:43 -0400

I don’t know, I can’t complain I guess love is good, right? But it is also a big word. I guess I could say Im in like. It’s exactly how they say, how it just creeps up on you without even realizing it.
I hate it.
I just wish it was easy, to say good bye and stick to what I had told myself I wasn’t gonna miss any of this. That I was gonna leave here and not look back, and then you came along.
I will say that you by far are the most confident to approach me, without even being cocky. It’s perfect.
You make it so there’s no way I could be awkward, I don’t feel like i need to talk to you all hours of the day to know what’s going on. It’s simple and the kind of new I need.
However, you are also a lot younger then I would go for but already the most, real person I know. It’s exciting, I can’t wait for this weekend and it’s nice to have a change in pace.

I miss you more than I should.

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 13:52:20 -0400

But not really, I am actually happy alone. I mean not in a bitter way, but I can get dressed up and go to school and feel pretty, beautiful and confident without needing a guy there to tell me I am. I think this can be what true happiness is. With school winding down I am getting more and more irritated with everyone’s last hurrah of drama, but something tells me I will miss this when I’m gone.

So I guess I’ll just try to embrace it. Summer’s coming and I feel free, happy, like I don’t need a person to make me smile..

I can just do it because I can.

I love this organic and uncomplicated feeling.

Photo

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 13:47:17 -0400

A little something, I guess

Wed, 04 Apr 2012 12:28:17 -0400

I walked out onto the steps, I looked up at the sky and admired it for it’s brutal honesty: grey, clouded and hurt. I pulled my coat a little closer to my body as I tried to fight the cold. My face stings, my hands are hard and my skin is cracked from neglect. I made my way down the street and kept out of pedestrian traffic, I checked my watch: Six forty-five, right on time. Briefcase in one hand I bought a coffee to keep the other warm, a strong smell of roasted coffee beans and hazelnut creamer tangled, lingered under my nose: two Splenda and extra cream. I checked my watch again as it read six fifty-five. I stepped outside of the coffee house and the aroma of brewing coffee is replaced by engine fumes and the soft acoustics in the background turned into a murr of voices and cars angrily honking. The bus cam around the corner as the clock struck seven, as always. I made my way onto the bus swiping my card and watched the little green light flash. I sat down and studied the familiar faces: calm, perturbed, contemplative, tired and unfocused. But there’s one I didn’t recognize. His face was hard and I couldn’t read it, the simple clothes, maybe to attract little attention. He had chocolate hair that peeked out of his maroon slouchy beanie, his face was a soft ivory and had a faint stubble along his jawline. His eyes were different though, at first glance, they were hazel but looking into them there was an undertone of cerulean and gold. He had sienna freckles surrounding the pupil and together it made a curious combination. He sat with a casual hunch but favored his right side since that was where the window was. He wore a navy blue cargo jacket that had many pockets, it was loose but not to lose the structure of his body shape. His jeans were a dark rinse and wore black shoes, nothing special but his gaze burned as I sat across from him.

Photo

Wed, 04 Apr 2012 11:58:41 -0400

Photo

Wed, 28 Mar 2012 11:19:46 -0400

Laying my shit to dry.

Wed, 28 Mar 2012 11:17:37 -0400

I’m over this place. I hate it, everyone.

I’m not another teenager in angst, this is real, and ever since I’ve moved here I have ran into nothing but shit. The people here are constantly shady, every one does things for their own interest and it’s like a fucking daytime novella. I’m sick of all of it, I have turned into this bitch that I don’t even know. I hate who I am and I just want to get away from everyone. Everyone here. I’m never happy with how I look, my friends are always changing and I am always struggling to stay afloat here in a place where appearance is all anyone knows. People are fake and I can’t confront anyone anymore, people like to hide behind a fucking screen then talk things out. Like this, tumblr, I have turned to venting and writing on this as a filler for where my god damn friends are supposed to be. It’s sad. I have to cry and type on this god damn computer than talk in person to a friend, the only way I can do that is if I pay a stranger an obnoxious amount of money to listen to me and offer me genetic advice.

I want to go back to Hawaii. California. Anywhere far away from here.

When does this end?

Not Really Much of Anything: The boy who cried racism.

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 21:37:17 -0400

Not Really Much of Anything: The boy who cried racism.:

gabbifail:

So there’s this boy who is Mexican. I have known him for about five years, not on a personal level, but enough to know his background and this year he is in my psychology class. Every other day he seems to have a story about he’d been discriminated against at some point that day….

Like I said, if that’s all you got out of what I wrote then I am sorry for you.

Photo

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 12:40:21 -0400

It’s about time.

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 12:34:49 -0400

It’s about time.

The boy who cried racism.

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 12:28:14 -0400

So there’s this boy who is Mexican. I have known him for about five years, not on a personal level, but enough to know his background and this year he is in my psychology class. Every other day he seems to have a story about he’d been discriminated against at some point that day. Two days ago he came in ripping on how much he hates this school and how he’s sorry that he isn’t white and have parents that own a business. That he can’t fit in with the mold our school has created and how this school has plotted against him and doing everything to keep him from graduating.

That’s where I have a problem.

See I am full-blooded Latina and grew up in Southern California, mom’s from Mexico and my dad’s from Puerto Rico and I have never used that as an excuse. Eighteen years, twelve in school and I have never been discriminated or a victim, but god forbid someone asks him if he speaks fluent Spanish because then that’s being racist. Then says that since he is the only real Mexican in school he is called a wetback, a spic and all these other names but the part he forgets to mention is how crude some of his remarks are and how he invites that kind of behavior when he talks about other races.

First off, chill the fuck out. Learn some history and get your facts straight before you start shouting about how you are a victim of racism. A victim yes, but a victim of your own stupidity. Have you ever maybe wondered if maybe you aren’t going to graduate because you don’t do any work? How can you say you don’t fit into a mold in this school when this school is definitely one of the most diverse schools I have ever been to in a suburban town.

Second, I don’t get where people come from when they say they’re the only real whatever ethnicity because they’ve struggled. Bullshit. Because you’ve struggled more than the next Hispanic person means nothing. My father was born and raised in Caguas, Puerto Rico and today he is the Program Manager in a multi-billion dollar government company. But wait, he isn’t a real minority. Ha, right.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying people haven’t actually gone through some type of prejudice I’m not saying that at all. But where do we draw the line? Where do we become responsible for our own actions instead of pulling the racism card? Not even in the Latino community but African Americans too, “Unless you’re a black woman, you don’t know what struggling is.” Come on now, really? I know this is a sensitive subject but I just don’t get how one person’s struggle is worse than the next because one person is white and the other isn’t. More so how can you let what your race is define you? That’s just dumb because all you’re doing is limiting yourself.

But whatever, because I’m just ranting, right?

Guilty

Sun, 18 Mar 2012 22:33:39 -0400

I feel bad, I will get better at posting stuff on here. Not really for followers because I have like, fifty. But for me. I liked being able to vent on here or just post whatever was on my mind. Similar to a diary, just minus the sticky details.
I’ll start…..tomorrow.
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